I had to force myself to sit down at the kitchen table just now. It is quiet at work for a moment and I have my cup of coffee that is still hot and a few emails to look at plus a book I am about halfway through.
However, I am having a hard time concentrating on doing any of this because my mind keeps being invaded by all of the tasks on my to do list and with the tasks that aren't on there but surround me like floors that desperately need to be swept and mopped. I think of these and convince myself it is now or never. If I don't mop right this second while there is time to mop, other things will happen and the floor will stay dirty. Oh, the humanity!
My problem is my desire to "get it all done" and I try to convince myself that "my time" will come after all of the tasks are checked off and the chairs are put back at the table once the floor is dry. My time to create, concentrate, meditate, read, learn or do nothing is the carrot I dangle out in front of myself so I run the race faster and faster.
I will read for me once the mopping is done. I will relax when the last task in my Todoist is checked off. Then and only then will I be rewarded and reward is only possible with the peace of mind that everything is done.
Of course, I know once everything is done that I will be too tired to read.
Too tired to create.
Too tired to truly relax.
This is the value of leaving the house and paying too much money for a cup of coffee at Starbucks. It's the escape from the to-do's that need to be done here. They will be waiting for me when I get home but that is fine. The escape is needed because even with Friday's to-do's checked off, Saturday's list is looming around the corner.
There is so much to do and we're never truly done with it all.
If I'm ever going to raise the bar for myself and take that leap to the next level of creating or being a creator (Whatever that next level is, I know it's out there but I can't completely grasp what I'm aiming for), I must be able to set aside the mopping for another day or at least have the confidence that it will happen later today or the acceptance that it may not happen at all. The floor will still be here waiting to be cleaned tomorrow and the floor starts to get dirty again almost as soon as it is clean anyway.
This morning I realized the need to sit, the need to write this, the need to drink this cup of coffee while it is still hot. This morning I realized what is really important.