Wednesday, September 6, 2017

The numbers game

I accidentally saw the numbers for the blog yesterday. By accidentally, I mean I try never to look at numbers for anything I do. For example, for the rare times I need to go there, I have Feedburner bookmarked to go to pages without the number of subscribers showing.

The numbers here are pretty paltry and I lost half of the readers to any given post after I locked my Twitter account down. I guess that is to be expected but during the heyday of blogging when I had tons of readers, there was no Twitter. Most new referrals came from Google back then and pursuing the search terms that landed people on the blog always brought me joy. One of the biggest keywords that led people to the old blog was Charmin. Weird, eh?

Sometimes I regret blowing it all away but it was too personal. I treated the blog like a journal I would write at home and, although I knew most people would never take the time to sift through thousands of old entries, it still weighed on me to have so many personal, what to a normal person would be private, thoughts out there lingering on the internet.

Locking down Twitter is inconvenient. No more retweets kind of blows. But it felt necessary to put the brakes on being so public, especially with the kids getting older. I don't want my dumb comments and opinions to reflect on them as they get ready to start applying to colleges or whatever. I also no longer feel the need to cultivate or grow an audience. Up In This Brain is what it is. This site is what it is. The other podcasts I am on have public accounts and will hopefully grow their audiences with or without me being present in each episode.

That leads me into the topic of the upcoming sabbatical. I am calling it the sabbatical because it sounds cool. I guess it's really just a short break. I will be off of Smooth Sailing for a bit due to not having many free nights to record until November. I also don't have a lot of time to edit. I am not sure if the sabbatical is going to extend into Up In This Brain and this site. I expect that I will be creating a bit less until my time frees up again in November but who knows.

I haven't had any luck recording a new Up In This Brain so far this week. I don't have any ideas. Maybe the ideas fairy will come along and help me out.

OK - back to non-blog/podcast topics next time.

20 comments:

  1. Perhaps we need to brainstorm some podcast ideas because I have been dry for ideas for months now.

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  2. Yep. I record a lot of stuff I throw out. I bore myself while talking!

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    1. You too? I have recorded so much this summer that ended up being tossed because I was bored of my own voice... I have been doing this for like a year now. Many recording sessions and then I end up hating my boring life. Sounds silly.

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    2. I deleted 4 clips at lunch today. A terrible waste of time. It is killing the hobby for me. It's weird. I was never as self-conscious when I started this!

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  3. Why do you people need ideas? What's wrong with stream of consciousness? (says the guy with just 2-3 dozen listeners after 12 years podcasting)

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    1. I do the stream of consciousness and it goes nowhere. It's frustrating. I'm wasting a lot of time lately on clips that end up in the recycle bin!

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    2. Hmmm. I think you've hit it on the head regarding self consciousness. How did this start? Why do we suddenly care?

      For example, why did you limit/reduce/purge Twitter. It seems you were self conscious about it? Related?

      I am just digesting this down a bit... but thoughts?

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    3. Twitter was more about regaining control of the audience and how I'd given up on it as being something positive. It was feeling like an open door into my personal world, considering the subjects I talk about on the podcast where I am typically fairly open. I had been wanting to restrict that for a while and it gave me the opportunity to delete a bunch of people I was following merely because they had followed me although we had no real connection.

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  4. I want spared the worry of having family members or work associates listen in - that's made a huge difference! From the start I imagined I was just sharing some music and talking with friends in my basement. It felt safe, and private enough. Now I count on the few listeners I know who tune in to keep me feeling safe and at ease.

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    1. Yes, I think I felt I would be more comfortable on the podcast and even on Twitter by controlling, at least somewhat, who was in the audience. However, I found that I just end up using Twitter less since I did it and it hasn't translated into a feeling of freedom on the podcast at all so far. I think I am actively searching for the cause of my blocks (which is good) but I just haven't stumbled upon the real answers yet (which is not so good).

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    2. Hmmm. But why are we becoming more conscious of what other perceive. For me, it is stifling my sense of self/creativity/etc.

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    3. I think I project a lot of my inner doubts and self-punishment onto my creative side, so the blogs, Twitter, etc. get deleted. I am in a state of rebuilding, not happy with what came before, so I keep tearing down my "creative building" instead of building on top of the work I've done. It's a setback. I am talking into the recorder right now about it! Finally, inspiration for Up In This Brain!

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    4. Oh, well. I tossed that recording too. Can't stay focused. Will try again another day!

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    5. Stay focused? What's that? Staying focused seems to imply you have an end point, somewhere you need to reach. But all life is process - it's in the doing. You may be setting goals that aren't really needed. But more than anything, you should (oops- that dam should word!) just be enjoying the doing, without worrying about the end product.

      Hmmm, haven't we had this discussion before?

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    6. The staying focused is the constant interruptions from work and the dogs. There is no place to escape to record here. It's an ongoing problem, unfortunately!

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    7. oh well, that's different. Work has a nasty way of getting in the way of fun, and creativity. And those dogs! bitch bitch bitch bark bark bark...

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    8. Yeah, it's been extra nutty. Twice today I started recording and the phone rang with problems! I need to get creative with my lunch breaks again and record off-site!

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    9. I have the same problem with loft living.

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  5. I wish you both success in getting past whatever it is that is inhibiting you. Too late for new personas I guess, and in fact that might be a regression. But it seems there is a need to rise up above whatever/whoever it is that's holding you back from free expression. I went through similar feelings putting out the DicksnJanes zine, so I can relate. It's a battle, but one you have to win... The (imagined) enemy can be defeated.

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    1. Thanks. Already pondering my next move!

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